THE WALL! What a topic and what is this all about, you may ask. In life, there are many times we build a wall to keep people out and there are also times we build a wall to keep our selves from being seen. I am a firm believer in boundaries as they are healthy. But what about the wall? And why do we build them?
A few years ago I was going to see a counselor to work through some serious issues due to being in a difficult situation. In one of the first sessons, I was asked to come back on the next appointment with a photo of a wall that represented the emotional and mental wall I had built. FYI, this is not the photo I used but similar. As I recall, at that time mine was much taller and the stones were significantly larger.
Back to my the topic at hand. As the wise counselor that she was, she saw right through my protective instincts and went to work with me on why I chose such an enormous wall. Over the years, I learned how to stay safe and protect my heart and soul from being hurt or letting anyone get too close. Remember, this is not a boundary but a mechanism to keep others out and you feel safe. That is an illusion. I was in a defensive mode most of the time, not knowing how to establish healthy boundaries at that time so I built that incredibly huge wall no one could scale.
Why am I telling you this story? Maybe I can help you start to tear down the wall you may have built in your life. As I write this today, I have successfully and gradually let that wall down. Someone asked me a couple of years ago what my greatest weakness or issue was. It only took me a split second to spit out the one word answer, defensiveness. I was not comfortable letting others get too close to me.
See the kid with the light in front of the wall above in the photo? Let's shine a light on that wall and begin to find the cracks to endeavor to chip away at it. Not long ago, as I was thinking about this particular blog, I had an image come up of me using a toothpick to try to tear down this wall. How long would it take with a toothpick? Ha ha, forever. How do you even start? By realizing there is a wall there and considering what you are protecting yourself from. That is how I slowly but surely was able to let others in.
Now don't get me wrong, there are still moments and times I have that wall try to rise back up. For the most part, I feel it and I am able to deal with it quickly and ask myself why I am getting defensive. You see, awareness is the first step, i.e. know yourself. You can do this. You can breach that wall and take my advice as a long time builder of walls, it is worth it. You will not regret it, I promise. Just don't use a toothpick!
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